Saturday, July 14, 2012

Top 10 Reasons Why Facebook Is The Devil

Does anybody like me? 


Does anyone give a flying rip what goes on in my life?


How (un)popular am I?


These are all questions we entrust Facebook to answer for us: from how cool we are (not), to how many people hang on our everyday happenings.  At this point in history, our very worth as human beings comes down to that number in parenthesis after the word “Friends.”

Despite posting recently about us being “the generation with 742 Facebook friends,” my own current number is a lot closer to 7+4+2.  Somewhere there is a rock in Indonesia with more FB fans than me.    

For one, I have deleted my entire Friends-list more times than anyone would probably believe….behavior that was a byproduct of my “no one gives a sh*t about me” suicidal mentality. 

Secondly, I end up removing nearly half of the people I add because I either:
A) accept their request out of curiosity, then spy on them for a day before deciding I don’t really know or like the person 
OR 
B) decide this person doesn’t need to know my thoughts or gawk at my profile out of mentally ill paranoia 
OR
C) they’ve pissed me off and can now proceed to go f*ck themselves.  

Third, I don’t participate in whatever competition the world has going to see how many acquaintences-of-acquaintances-of-acquaintences-of-friends (i.e. stuh-RANGERS!!!) I can collect in order to impress people whose opinions I could care less about. 

Lastly, If 1-3 sounded like pathetic excuses for why I am a loser with no friends, I’ll just come right out and demystify the issue: I AM a loser and I DON’T really have any friends.  I’ve chucked them all.

As you can tell, I simultaneously imbue Facebook with both waaaaay too much meaning and no importance whatsoever….what’s that quote to the effect of:

“You wouldn’t care so much what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.”  

But then, that’s also precisely the point!  No one thinks about me!  I have tons of shit I want to say, and no one to say it to.  Every time something hilarious or annoying or awesome or disturbing happens, I think of who I could tell and come up with – you guessed it – nobody.  I could always post it on Facebook and then feel more pathetic when nobody bothers to comment on it, right?!?!


Top 10 Reasons Why Facebook Is The Devil:

  1. It does nothing but incite envy.  There will always be people with more good times in their photo albums, more smiling beer-holding friends in their pictures, and more exciting sh*t going on in their lives.
  2. It does nothing but incite fake-ness.  You invest hours concocting the perfect online persona, with carefully selected pictures and quotes and descriptions to make yourself appear happier, cooler, hotter, smarter, funnier, and more interesting than you really are.
  3. It does nothing but incite impulsivity.  In a split second you tell 375 people something you reeeeallly should’ve kept to yourself. 
  4. It does nothing but incite over-disclosure.  You broadcast your least intelligent thoughts to the world.  For some of us, this reveals that we are illiterate backwoods dingdongs who can’t spell or string together a coherent sentence (and by this I mean family).  And I quote: “It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt."
  5. It does nothing but incite jealousy.  You now have the ultimate spy tool to track every fool your friends and (ex)boyfriends are in contact with and how much more attention they pay to them than you. 
  6. It does nothing but incite rage.  Seriously, that bitch does something every other week with so-and-so but never has time for ME?  Screw her.  “Unfriend.”     
  7. It does nothing but incite picture-taking. I swear to GOD I cannot figure out how a camera is present in every conceivable life situation and WHO the hell is spending every waking moment taking pictures of the dumbest stuff imaginable. 
  8. It does nothing but incite lonelinessDespite hundreds of connections, you couldn’t possibly feel more alone.  
  9. It does nothing but incite hatred.  I fucking hate Facebook, don’t YOU?
  10. It does nothing but incite desperation.  So follow downfromtheledge on Facebook.  Please? 


24 comments:

  1. I got rid of my facebook account nearly 5 years ago. There are so many things wrong with it I could probably add a few to your list...

    The final straw for me was relatively innocuous - as most breaking points are. It was a relative posting photos of a barbecue we'd been to. As far as I'm concerned, private family functions should stay that way and if I want a photo of me online I'll post it myself.

    Cheers for this - always pleasant to have a facebook rant :-)

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    1. "...if I want a photo of me online I'll post it myself." No joke! People have scary power over us nowadays. Great point about it being something innocuous that tips us over the edge; I concur.

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  2. hahahahha hilarious! love this post but love the fact even more that you posted this post on facebook. HILARIOUS BRI!!! oh, and yeah, we can read #10 asking for the follow on FB:) let me know if you get a call from the Facebook legal team. lol

    i started a couple years ago and became hooked for a few reasons. some people on FB are annoying so you defriend them, or like you mention, delete them all. and others you can stop subscribing to or following their feeds. but the reason I became hooked is that it's an easy way to tell my friends what I'm up to and follow what my friends are doing.

    not sure about you but you might hate small talk more than facebook? or people calling you on the phone? hahaha if that's the case, then posting stuff on facebook will avoid calls and emails and random small talk asking you what you're up to. At which point, all you have to say is (which I do regularly) have you checked my FB page:) !!

    FB like life has to do with intentions. other people can use it for self promotion and to feel important but we can each chose to use fbook that makes a difference for us - to build friendships, to keep in touch with family, to avoid small talk. we can intend fb for other reasons than why others Fbook.

    Great post as always! I"m hoping you're mostly humor in this post. hahaha

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    1. If their legal team contacts me I'll post it on FB and let you know.

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    2. Vishnu you sound like a controling passive aggressive follower. You sound so fakebook, that it reminds me how glad I am for deactivating my account, so I don't read ppl in denial lying to themselves and others.

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  3. I've had some unpleasant feelings triggered due to people who I friend-requested declining my request. What # would that fall under? It makes me want to run over and kick them and scream, "I didn't want you as a friend anyway!" But since I have no outlet for that, since they've probably blocked me, I just have to suck it up.

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    1. I must have forgotten, "It does nothing but incite aggression." Wait for those bitches to come to YOU! Totally kidding. Maybe not totally.

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    2. When it messes with your heart like that then its evil. Gaurd your heart. Remember that your believing in a fantasy not reality. The person is really just sitting there alone wishing the same thing you are abt smeone else. Stop the vicious circle.

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  4. Hi Bri,

    I loved to see your humour coming out in this post. Brilliant!

    Yeah, Facebook. I use the amount of time I spend on facebook as a barometer of where I am in my life. If I am on it way too much I know I am probably in the midst of some sort of downward spiral. Unless of course I am promoting my band or my blog and there is a purpose behind it. If I am on my personal account too much, I definitely have a problem I need to address.

    I did a cull some time back. People that had added me from school that I thought it might be cool to re-connect with. Until I realised they were just 'collectors' and didn't respond to messages or the like. So, bye bye. I think I need another cull soon. Or maybe I will just close it completely and keep the band and blog accounts.

    I think it is all about how we use it at the end of the day as Vishnu said.

    Again, f'cking loved the humour in this post.

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  5. Ha; thanks!

    I hate that, too; request me, but then you're too good to respond to a message? Screw collectors.

    I'm with you on the downward spiral. Definite correlation between the amount of time spent and how crappy I feel.

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  6. I think you must have some superpower that enables you to hear my thoughts - I couldn't agree more with what you are saying here and love that undercurrent of humour you use. I quit FB on a regular basis, delete people regularly from my 'friends' list but can't help but be flattered when someone adds me, and wish I had the guts to delete all the people who display no real interest in me as a person. I am happier when I am not on it but am constantly pulled back in out of fear that I am missing something. GAH!

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    1. YES! Why is it that we don't learn our lesson and stay off for good? I think for sure it must prove how dysfunctional I am that I continue to go on deleting binges...and yet I did it again over the holidays;) How will I ever get up to 475 at this rate....

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  7. Im glad I deleted mines after being bullied and spied on by so called friends. Sucks when other people on Fb can read ur private messages they know everything u said. I decided to do something everyone on that Fb should do close ur account and get a life. Ur attitude changes when ur behind Fb in person its a whole different u reality thats right. M weezy

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    1. A whole different reality, for sure! It puts you in a completely different headspace, that you're not even aware of until you separate yourself from it.

      It's like virtual reality friendship. Seems real....not sure it always is, though.

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  8. I removed my personal account about 6 months ago and I've never been so happy. I was one of these ppl that had to post the most clever status and hope that at least 15 ppl would comment on it just so I could feel self worth,that they would think I was cool enough to comment but it became an obsession, I wanted more more and more comments and even more attention to pics I posted. I was popular in high school and Im a fun guy that can make friends with just about anyone in REAL life so I realized that I dont need the drama and anxiety that Facecrap creates not to mention a huge waste of time. Recently I have taken on wood working to fill the empty space that Facecrap would have filled, Im a better family man and overall just a better person :)) No more reading senseless posts like " Just finish the dishes now I think I'll clean the kids room,maybe diddle myself for a half hour then take a sh$%!! " haha

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    1. Sounds like you have mastered the difference between creating a picture of a great life...and actually making your life greater by how you spend your time.

      I just don't know what I'd do without knowing who's diddling themselves, though! (think you about summed it up in the last sentence there) :)

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  9. I just call it the apocalyptic mark of the beast. I don't have an account and I think I never will. I felt something eerie was lurking within the FB account and I never got one. I think many people stopped talking to me since I would decline everyone's request. But worst of all, I forgot to tell them I just didn't have a FB account. It wasn't that I didn't want to accept them. Anyway, I think it is better to live in the real world. FB is fickle, vain and evil. Everything you wrote above is so true; you couldn't have said it better. Sorry I can't follow you but I just hate fb and don't have an account. It is the mark of the beast spoken of in the book of revelation.

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    1. *sighs* Must everything be the Mark of the Beast from the Book of Revelation? Can't anything ever just suck without being irrefutable proof the end days are upon us?

      People have been interpreting their contemporary events as signs spoken of in Revelation for over a thousand years now.

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  10. I never understood the appeal of Facebook. It's quite boring frankly. What are you supposed to do on it? People aren't themselves on Facebook, and their fake selves are boring. I'd rather read or write something. Plus Facebook seems to constantly be eroding at it's privacy control options, and those of us who have been bullied treasure our ability to not be seen when we don't want to.

    I found it insulting back in high school when classmates who almost never talked to me wanted to "friend" me on Facebook (to be fair, the isolation was self-imposed - I was sick of backstabbing, bullying, and abandonment so went out of my way to minimize social contact to the point of often requesting to do group projects by myself. Still, it was insulting that despite the fact we never hung out and rarely talked thought they could label themselves as "friends"). I didn't give a damn about them or their inane daily status updates, nor did I delude myself into thinking they gave a damn about me. I only existed when someone wanted their Jeopardy quiz team to win (it's a study prep game using a powerpoint template most classes used where I lived) and then everyone was quite content to talk to each other and not me (my team ALWAYS won, even in Honors and AP classes).

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    1. Yes...having people that we enjoyed forgetting they existed show up in a "friend request" always reminds me that the past is the past for a reason. There is a reason I liked leaving high school behind.

      What you write speaks to the *feeling* it puts you back into just having to wonder someone's intentions - do they want to spy on me? See if they have done better than me in life so they can gossip to other idiots about what so-and-so's up to? And I don't want to *feel* like I'm back in high school with jerks who - like you said- never gave a damn about me.

      I had people use me, too; it wasn't cool to be the smart girl but it sure sets you up for a lot of bs. I'm with you on the privacy issues; it is getting harder and harder to stay invisible.

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  11. Great article this is exactly the same way I feel, how about the stupidest pictures or comments coming from a more popular person and getting like 100 likes where you're lucky if you get 10 or 20? You also forgot to mention the long distance people who always seem to hit on you, or strike up a conversation, become friends, then a month or two later, they're starting lies about you and putting you down....and another thing stay out of groups "any group", "they are the devil"......this is coming from a guy...:)

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    1. Yep, it's *always a comparison:(

      Groups.....I don't even know about groups - I'll take your word for it that I don't want to!

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  12. I love this. I just deleted my account today. I couldn't take it anymore. I feel a lot of the things you felt too. Especially the loneliness part. You would think it brought people together but it doesn't.

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  13. My account has been deleted and frankly there are people in cars driving and following me around to either make me go paranoid or make me commit suicide, wonder why? All of a sudden the cops hate my guts and watch at me like i'm a criminal, lmfao i delete all my social media now, instagram gone soon, and whatsapp, facebook can track you down anywhere you go, that's why people are so tied up to it, teenagers commit suicide over being bullied with facebook, people act different and shit acting either extremely white or extremely black, the first moment i signed into facebook i was instantly like hooked on it and i became so depressed about all the pictures of party's with friends and hating my life for it because i'm mostly at home all day, facebook makes us think we have shit lives compared to others, so fuck facebook and fuck social media, if you got a fight with anyone and that person has facebook you can locate them like the poster said, work, family, phone numbers, adresses, everything, let's say you have a beef with a gang member, then what are you going to do, they have everything, that's why i hate all this social media crap it sucks ass, and i will never be a part of it anymore after i delete everything, i suggest other people do the same and close their facebook accounts because it's making you indipended of it, same with other smartphones and technology, it's all the mark of the beast, wake the fuck up you sheeps, it's all addictions, try to close your facebook for once and try to see how you will react lol.

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