Ever stopped to wonder if you’re doing what you’re doing
because it’s what you did yesterday (and the day before that, and the day
before THAT)? What percentage of the way
you interact with the world is your conscious choice, rather than your
programming?
Some would say we are the sum of our habits, and Keith
Clarke is one of those people.
His blog Breaking The Habit of Me challenges us to take back the reigns. When Keith sat down to read my recent post Living in Alien-Nation,
he decided his Representative was no longer going to run his life. He didn’t just click a link in Google Reader,
peruse an article, and go back to doing exactly what he has always done. Keith instead chose to switch off the auto-pilot and wrangle with some serious questions in today’s guest post. What have YOU lost by not showing up in your
own life? I hope you’ll join the
conversation:
Scared To Reveal The True You?
12 Reasons To Take Charge Of Your Representative
I read two articles that have had a massive impact on
me. And I wondered - could they have a similar impact on you?
I believe that these two articles outline a serious flaw
in the thinking habits of many of us. This thinking comes from a fear of being our
true selves because of the possibility of rejection by others.
I know you are busy and I am asking you more than maybe
I should, but these are profoundly powerful insights that you should hear.
You need to read the two articles first or
what follows will have no context
The articles are Living In
Alien Nation and My
Representative.
My response:
(I have written this as a response to the author, and it
should be read in that context.)
I resonate so much with what you are saying but it
freaks me out - in a good and a bad way. Firstly, whatever I say following this
sentence is NOT meant to be patronizing (THAT is my representative speaking for
me).
I
have spent my whole life in this place.
That is why your
two articles hit me so hard. Firstly, you are in no way alone [Note from my Representative: Remember earlier caveat]. Regrettably, I see this in many people,
including myself.
1. Ulterior
Motives
Every one of us has them, and they are not always
nefarious. For example: Am I going to feel better about myself? Gain something
from this? Look good in someone’s eyes? Etc.
You included. We are human. We need validation. What is f#%ked up is we don't
look for our own validation first (or, we don't trust it).
2. Personal
Dysfunction or Societal Dysfunction?
It doesn't matter! You are self-aware enough to know the
'dysfunction' is there. That is evident. Whether you like it or not, it is up
to you now. The door is already open. And yes, you are happy about
it now, because it is the comfort of the known. It is the unknown that scares
you.
3. Rejection
Every rejection you received externally was firstly an
internal rejection that you just sought validation of externally. You expressed
yourself perfectly with: "We all
have this dichotomy; it’s the human condition (though of course we are
convinced otherwise). What’s even worse than being unacceptable to
others…is being ashamed of your own feelings, and the mask you hide
behind." So I know you know this, but bear with me :)
4. Our
Representative
What we hate most is that they are good at their jobs.
And that disgusts us. We have this twisted admiration for them and hate them at
the same time. Why? Because the better our representative is, the less we are
ourselves. The name of my representative is Keith. He currently has more
entitlement to my name than I do because he has been stronger and more in
control than I ever have up to now!
5. Being
Fake
Every time we feel we are being fake (and we know when
this is) our representative gets stronger. Every time they get stronger we feel
safer behind them. It is a downward spiral that the "I" needs to
break before we become lost and end up inserting ourselves back fully into the
Matrix. Sorry if the reference is too 'geeky,' but it is the most fitting I can
find.
6. Trust
I have never truly been able to trust anyone, because I
can't trust myself. I know this. As you said, I know my own M.O. now. This is merely
awareness, however. It truly has to translate into action before it becomes
useful. And most action - I am coming to
learn - takes risk.
7. A Representative
is NOT a Bad Thing
We do have to remember, though, that the Representative
works for us. And we call the shots. What has happened
with me is I have let the Representative become the leading entity. The creator
of my identity. From now on, he’s allowed to advise, but I need to make the
final decision on how he portrays me. And not how he portrays him.
8. Perceived
Threats
The threats we feel every day are part of our spiritual
journey, and our growth. Or else they are just another way of giving unilateral
power to our Representative. But it is up to us.
9. Is Our
Representative Truly Representing Us?
For some time the Gandhi quote, “One man cannot do right
in one department of life whilst he is occupied in doing wrong in any other
departments. Life is one indivisible whole” has kept coming into my head. This
is where the 'representative' f#%ks us up! We get caught up in being good at
what we are doing, rather than being good at who we are. Yes, our
Representative can do stuff that we can't. But do we like what they are doing? Have we sanctioned it from the core of
who we are?
10. Dissociation
I think we all use dissociation as a defense mechanism.
I don't believe that this is a bad thing in and of itself. There are times when
it is critical to our survival through periods of serious trauma. It enables us
to get through, function and survive. But if it becomes a habit, and distances
us too far from who we truly are, then I think we are more dangerous with our representatives than we are
without them. Every heinous act in the world by a human being - I believe - is
founded on the strength of that dissociation. It is a way of finding validation
in something other than ourselves that gives us some kind of respite from our
own fears. From our own self-doubts and self-recriminations.
11. Reality as Illusion
There are many religions that talk of the illusion of
reality. And it is possible to adopt that perspective through periods of our
life where it works for us. But I think the universe, the natural laws or way
of things has a way of bringing us constantly back to ourselves. We cannot
avoid ourselves. We have to be faced. And we have to embrace our dark side as
well as our good. We have to accept the whole. Only on that acceptance, of the
good and bad in us, can we see what really is illusory in our lives.
12. Accepting Ourselves
I thought long and hard about whether to start blogging
under my real name, or to go anonymous, or use a pseudonym. In the end, I chose
to come clean. This in no way is a judgment on you (and I understand your
personal reasons for this). I decided to take the risk and crawl out of my cage
(against the advice of my representative). In fact, this comment is probably
more soul-baring than any of my posts so far (and I can hear my representative
screaming in protest). But, if I am to let go, and to be me, then I need to
push the boundaries. To shake things up (as Vishnu says).
Your final line is probably the most hard-hitting:
"What it tells me is that ‘I’ feel soooo unsafe in the world that ‘I’ can't bear to show up."
I don't know about you, but I am tired of this. Are you with me?
[Note from my Representative: Please do not take any of the
comments above personally. These are the expressions of my client at this
moment in time - and I am concerned at this time for his well being and
understanding of how to play the game that every sane person 'should' be
playing based on society's rules]
Thank you for a deeply personally inspiring couple of
posts (that is ME speaking).
**
So, there you go. This article started out as a comment
that has actually turned into a guest post.
(Thanks Bri for the opportunity to
write for your inspiring blog)
Some questions for you now: Do
you show
up? Do you have a Representative running the show? Where are YOU in
all of this? And how is that working for you?
