Friday, August 10, 2012

Why you should give up hope.

Life is pretty damn good lately.  There are times I even catch myself thinking, "Wow, I actually feel kind of okay. Is this happiness?"

Don't get me wrong: there are a lot of things I don't have - that I thought I would - at 32 years old. 

I don't have a relationship. 
BUT I also don't have a sh*tty relationship.

No one lies to me, makes my life miserable, or expects me to do everything for them.  No emotional roller coaster, no divorce, no broken home.  Could be worse.  Has been worse!

I don't have a family.  

Let's face it, that's a shit-ton less work for me! I get eight - or more - hours of sleep a night. This fact alone makes me a much nicer person.  I'm sure there are awesome guys out there who would actually do 50% of the housework, but none of them have proposed to me yet. 

I don't have a prestigious career. 
BUT I don't have a job I hate.

I don't work 70 hours a week at a job that sucks the life out of me, with no time left for the things I want to do.  I have a great schedule doing work I enjoy, with people I enjoy, and relatively low stress.  Having experienced the opposite, there's a lot to be said for this. 


Forgiveness = giving up the hope that the past could be different than it was,

Happiness = giving up the hope that the present could be different than it is. 

The moment I descend into self-flagellation over what I could be doing, or should be doing, or what everyone else is doing, I become immediately dissatisfied with my life.  This is another reason why Facebook is the devil.  We often feel perfectly fine with ourselves until we start comparing our lives to all these people that *seem* to have something we don't. 

If I decided to wait until I had a boyfriend or a better job or financial prosperity to be happy, god only knows how long that might take.  I have enough. And that's all I need.  If I can't accept myself and my life and exactly the way things stand today, there's no hope for tomorrow. 

For every little thing you don't have - that you think you want - is something you *DON'T* have that you should be damn thankful for!! 

So seriously, give up the hope that the next person who comes into your life is going to make you happy, give up the hope that a different job would make it all better, give up the hope that your family is going to get along one day...and see if you can figure out a way to accept exactly what's in front of you.  If that fails, here's a quote to live by:

"I may not be where I wanna be yet,
but I sure as hell ain't where I was!"

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  1. Funny title - very you! Give up hope - hahahahaha

    How the hell did you come to this realization and realize all the things you're grateful for? Society is what I hate now a days - how they tell us to do x,y,z. Forget Facebook Bri - society's worse. It's the one that sets all the expectations that facebook encourages us to post about. hahahaha

    A lot of truth in this post and glad you're showing gratefulness for sleep, not having emotional roller coasters via relationships or having a job you hate.

    If you're actually saying be happy in the moment, you're wise! If you're living life that way, you're the Buddha.

  2. Definitely not that evolved, but if happiness = the absence of misery, I've made some progress there;) I just know that right now, for this moment, all is well.

    I think if we take a look around and honestly ask ourselves who we would trade lives with, we'd find that no one has it all. We'd find fellow strugglers who are saddled with debt, lacking a moment to themselves, completely bogged down with work, or enduring a relationship where they're treated like crap.

    Every "must" society imposes is another item for the to-do list. Makes us all into never-ending projects; sometimes we have to just decide we're good enough for now.

  3. This is a ridiculously good post, and soooo true. WHY HAVEN'T I SEEN ANY OF THESE I NEED TO KEEP UP ON YOUR POSTS BETTER!!!!!!!

    I'm glad there are times you're feeling "kind of okay" these days.

    Maybe sometimes even... happy?! :]

  4. I think there is an interesting balance to be found. Sometimes there is beauty in what we don't have.

    I do have to say there is one part of the post I struggle with:

    "Forgiveness = giving up the hope that the past could be different than it was,

    Happiness = giving up the hope that the present could be different than it is. "

    I think these are a fascinating way to explain forgiveness and happiness. I kid you not when I say I read them each over about 7 times each. Finally it clicked. Though I am not sure if I agree with it (which means I'm not sure if I disagree with it either).

    Is it really giving up? Or is it acceptance? Though in the end it is the same, those are two very different words. One implies weakness, that we could no longer take it. While the other implies openness, and willingness.

    What do you think?

  5. I think we do have to give up/let go of our longing for things to be otherwise in order to create the space for acceptance. Otherwise, energetically, we are living in the past (which is no longer here for us to change) or the future (which isn't here yet). Meanwhile, the present is frittered away wishing for things we don't have. In this case, giving up = surrendering to what is, which doesn't make us weak at all.

  6. I couldn't agree more. The past is the past - nothing will change that. What we can control is what we do about it. I have honestly let go of all judgement in my life. I have no judgement left for anyone - who am I to judge? However, I found a certain freedom in that. It was liberating.

    1. I haven't gotten quite so far as to let go of judgment; there is still that little self-berating voice...and I would venture to say that self-judgment and other-judgment go hand in hand.