Friday, June 1, 2012

Trail of Thoughts

A 60 year-old man with a thick gray mustache skateboarded by me on the trail this afternoon.



I thought to myself that this was more bizarre than the ferret I saw on the trail yesterday, which turned out to be a mink.



Then I realized that I was walking my cat, so who the f*ck am I to judge an elderly skateboarder.



Then I contemplated how walking my cat was more acceptable when I lived in the city whose motto is, “Keep Austin weird.”



Then I thought about how there’s cool-weird and there’s weird-weird, and pretended not to know which category catwalking would fall into.

Then I remembered telling my best friend in Austin that I was going to start a “PussyWalkers” Meetup group and join together with fellow freaks who push their pussies around.

Then I recalled actually starting an American Idol Meetup group at Mangia Pizza in downtown Austin and having only my 2 friends and one plump old lady named Turtle show up.



Then I recollected how this Meetup group led to me being interviewed by Nic Ciccone of Fox News Austin.

Then I cringed at what a mega-dork I was (am) and vowed to never appear on camera again. 

Then I asked myself why I continually do super-nerdish things despite knowing that they’re uncool.

Then I wondered if I would have more friends if I didn’t walk my cat.

Then I remembered that my friends still sucked even when I didn’t have a cat to walk.

Then I remembered that I got a cat because some new-agey chiropractor lady put colored sunglasses on me and told me that if I was lonely I should get a kitten.



Then I recalled thinking that this was the most expensive retarded advice anyone could give an abandoned unemployed suicidal person.

Then I realized that my pussy is still here with me, and not one person from the past 4-odd years of my life is still around.


Then I decided that I should hate that rich chiro bitch a little less. 

Then I wondered why I spent 40 minutes straining my eyes, unable to see sh*t on this laptop outside just so I could sit on my new chaise lounge. 

Then I told someone off in a really catty way and wondered if that made me a pussy. 

Then I decided that my cat is the only egotistical pussy I have to accept dealing with.

And then I decided this would be my last post written at a fourth-grade level. 

6 comments:

  1. Fourth-grade level posts are awesome! While reading I actually got momentary urges to skateboard, walk a cat, and experiment with colored lenses. Maybe go to a meetup group too. I keep joining them and not ever going...I got kicked out of the Introverts group for never attending. Ha ha!

    What color lenses did she put on you anyhow?

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  2. I, too, seemed enthralled with the -idea- of Meetup but was usually too chicken to go. That's hilarious that the introverts kicked you out;)

    I don't remember which color glasses; it was all happening fast and one lady was writing while the other one took glasses off and on. Seemed more like a magic act where my $160 dollars disappeared. Now THAT I remember;)

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  3. Hahaha! I liked your "fourth grade post."

    Nice kitty, too :-)

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  4. This is so great, the way you typed 'er into the only keyboard machine, that is.

    I walked my cat on a leash and taught it to stand on its hind legs, so do with that what you may.

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  5. LOL...Well I, of course, think it's awesome. I would feel more legitimate having her on a leash rather than a stroller;)

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  6. LOL. Brilliant stream-of-thought piece. Love it!

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