Friday, June 1, 2012

Trail of Thoughts

A 60 year-old man with a thick gray mustache skateboarded by me on the trail this afternoon.

I thought to myself that this was more bizarre than the ferret I saw on the trail yesterday, which turned out to be a mink.

Then I realized that I was walking my cat, so who the f*ck am I to judge an elderly skateboarder.

Then I contemplated how walking my cat was more acceptable when I lived in the city whose motto is, “Keep Austin weird.”

Then I thought about how there’s cool-weird and there’s weird-weird, and pretended not to know which category catwalking would fall into.

Then I remembered telling my best friend in Austin that I was going to start a “PussyWalkers” Meetup group and join together with fellow freaks who push their pussies around.

Then I recalled actually starting an American Idol Meetup group at Mangia Pizza in downtown Austin and having only my 2 friends and one plump old lady named Turtle show up.

Then I recollected how this Meetup group led to me being interviewed by Nic Ciccone of Fox News Austin.

Then I cringed at what a mega-dork I was (am) and vowed to never appear on camera again. 

Then I asked myself why I continually do super-nerdish things despite knowing that they’re uncool.

Then I wondered if I would have more friends if I didn’t walk my cat.

Then I remembered that my friends still sucked even when I didn’t have a cat to walk.

Then I remembered that I got a cat because some new-agey chiropractor lady put colored sunglasses on me and told me that if I was lonely I should get a kitten.

Then I recalled thinking that this was the most expensive retarded advice anyone could give an abandoned unemployed suicidal person.

Then I realized that my pussy is still here with me, and not one person from the past 4-odd years of my life is still around.

Then I decided that I should hate that rich chiro bitch a little less. 

Then I wondered why I spent 40 minutes straining my eyes, unable to see sh*t on this laptop outside just so I could sit on my new chaise lounge. 

Then I told someone off in a really catty way and wondered if that made me a pussy. 

Then I decided that my cat is the only egotistical pussy I have to accept dealing with.

And then I decided this would be my last post written at a fourth-grade level. 


  1. Fourth-grade level posts are awesome! While reading I actually got momentary urges to skateboard, walk a cat, and experiment with colored lenses. Maybe go to a meetup group too. I keep joining them and not ever going...I got kicked out of the Introverts group for never attending. Ha ha!

    What color lenses did she put on you anyhow?

  2. I, too, seemed enthralled with the -idea- of Meetup but was usually too chicken to go. That's hilarious that the introverts kicked you out;)

    I don't remember which color glasses; it was all happening fast and one lady was writing while the other one took glasses off and on. Seemed more like a magic act where my $160 dollars disappeared. Now THAT I remember;)

  3. Hahaha! I liked your "fourth grade post."

    Nice kitty, too :-)

  4. This is so great, the way you typed 'er into the only keyboard machine, that is.

    I walked my cat on a leash and taught it to stand on its hind legs, so do with that what you may.

  5. LOL...Well I, of course, think it's awesome. I would feel more legitimate having her on a leash rather than a stroller;)

  6. LOL. Brilliant stream-of-thought piece. Love it!