"God never gives us more than we can handle."
"What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger."
“This, too, shall pass.”
"Just think positive; pull yourself out of it."
"Everything happens for a reason."
But what if there really was no good reason for us to feel this way? And the pain never truly passed, but instead infiltrated every aspect of our personalities until we couldn’t remember who we used to be back when something meant something to us? What if our bodies turned into living, breathing evidence betraying the fact that we could not, in fact, handle it? And what if, in the end, we became deadened, weakened versions of who we used to be? Finally…what if we spat those clichés back into the face of the morons spewing them out in some misguided attempt to comfort us through our dark times?!
Oops, was that harsh? Well, if you’re the type of person who is prone to remarks like “Jesus can save you,” you will find this blog mightily irreverent; please read no further. If, on the other hand, you fear you may one day smack the shit out of somebody who utters one of the aforementioned clichés, read on!
If you can relate to these sentiments, you are probably sick to death of people who are quick to offer advice and render judgment, and slow to really listen when understanding is what you truly need. It’s easy to dispense solutions when you’re not the one wanting to kill yourself every day. What’s hard is to simply be there for another human being.
I am not writing this blog because I have the answers to everyone’s problems. I can’t pull anyone else out of a place I often can’t climb out of myself. I can, however, attempt to offer this forum as a source of support for anyone who has suffered from depression or suicidal tendencies. Because the truth is, many people simply don’t understand this scary, taboo subject. Suicide is a concept most people cannot get their heads around. If life has never brought you to your knees, what could you know of suffering?
I know firsthand what it’s like to have to pretend for everyone else’s sake, to put on the happy face in order to live up to others’ expectations, to hold it all inside so that nobody has to worry about a problem they can’t solve for you. For these reasons, I need a place where I can express what I really think and feel, without the fear of judgment.
Maybe you do, too.
Join me in the attempt to “step down from the ledge,” so to speak. Let’s get through one day, one hour, one minute at a time and live to see what tomorrow brings. Even if we think we already know it’ll only be more suffering.
"Tell your truth. You never know who you'll set free."
I get those remarks all the time, well i used to.ReplyDelete
I just get ignored now, my family pretend that the accident that happened in THEIR Back Garden didn't really happen. I see my inlaws once a month or so and for the first time ever, i was asked how am I, but before i could reply the conversation was quickly ended by someone else interrupting.
Suicide is something that i think about every night while lying in bed unable to sleep because of the pain. I now admit i cant find any reasons not to do it, so im now trying to create reasons via new activities and friendships etc.
if you get the chance, pop over to my blog for a chat, www.andpain.com
ps. i understand you want to remain anon, but a pen name might be easier for people to communicate with you.
Anyways, i hope you have a few more good days than bad,
Hi Tommy, thank you for your thoughts...it really sucks to be in that place where it's on your mind every single day. It sounds like you don't feel seen, much less understood, by those around you. Most of the time people either say nothing - or they say the wrong thing. It's the elephant in the room.Delete
I hope you find it in yourself to keep trying, to continue looking for reasons (OR creating reasons), because it's a lonely place to be in. And sometimes the path out involves a lot of scratching and clawing.
...and I will definitely check out your blog. --BriDelete